Another peek inside

Our Tangle with Testicular Cancer

A real ballbuster
relentless with no warning
will it knock us down
Get the best of us 
By no means— 
we lean on a rock

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Working Title: Our Tangle with Testicular Cancer—A Real Ballbuster

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It was the end of December 2021, when Jeff casually walked by me and said “Honey, I’ve been cancer-free for 10 years now”. I sat at the kitchen table my pen and notebook in front of me and a cup of coffee. I looked up from my writing and smiled. Wow, yes!

My yellow LIVESTRONG bracelet still going strong, and looks as good as new even though it’s been on my wrist for 10 years. I went back to my writing yet this uneasiness came over me. Jeff hasn’t been feeling well for the last several weeks. I noticed his appetite had changed and he wasn’t feeling like himself. Come to think of it, he is losing weight.

My mind questioned the cancer-free triumph but I dared not say a word. Oh my gosh, is his cancer back? I was mad at myself for having this terrible thought but the more I pieced together the last several months the more anxious I became. I looked up from my notebook and noticed. I noticed Jeff’s pale skin. I noticed his decrease in weight. I noticed his lack of energy. How could I not say anything?

I took some deep breaths and then asked, “Jeff, when do you see the doctor?”

He replied, “In a few weeks.”

I was relieved he now had a doctor and was on the schedule to be seen. My daily plea of— please go to the doctor and just get checked out, you haven’t been feeling well for a while now— I could silence. I hoped I was overreacting, maybe it is all because of stress. Yet as January got closer his symptoms got worse.

He found it hard to stay awake on his 55-minute drive home from work. He sat down with us for dinner but only took one bite. He weighed himself— 10 pounds lighter than last week. He chalked it up to work-related stress though in my gut I wasn’t on board.

Jeff seemed in better spirits after his appointment. He was convinced he had an ulcer. Yet that night when we sat down for dinner he didn’t eat anything and I was concerned. I looked at him from across the table thinking, gosh he is so pale, something is going on.

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