Imagination runs...

poem & glimpse into next book

Photo by Norbert Buduczki on Unsplash

The waiting is hard—
my imagination runs 
to the dark places 
Fear on my right 
Trouble on my left
Would you pray for me? 

---

What I’m working on for another chapter — Our Tangle with Testicular Cancer.

It was late morning the next day when Jeff called me from work. I was at a coffee shop with my aunt Colleen. I didn’t answer. I figured I would call him back when we were done with our visit but he called again a few minutes later so I answered.

His voice shook, “Honey, my bloodwork isn’t good, my iron and hematocrit are really low.” Well, that explains why he is so tired and pale. His iron is extremely low.

I tried to stay calm, “Okay, so what now?” I gave my aunt a worried look as I took a seat outside the shop. I was prepared for what he would say next.

“I’m going to call Dr. G and see what she says. I’m losing blood somewhere.”

Dr. G was Jeff’s gastrointestinal doctor who just nine months ago scheduled him for a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy. He was checked inside and out and besides a few polyps that she removed, he was good and clear. There was nothing sinister in her report.

I nodded, “Okay, let me know if you hear anything. Will you be okay to drive home tonight?”

“Yes, I’ll be okay.”

I was worried. He’s losing blood and he’s still at work. Is there something more we should be doing?

When I got off the phone my aunt asked if everything was okay. I told her Jeff was losing blood somewhere and wasn’t feeling well. She gave me a hug before we both headed to our cars.

I sat in the driver’s seat a bit lost. What does this mean? Why is he losing blood? I hope Dr. G can get him in soon.

My phone rang before I had the key in the ignition. It was Jeff.

His voice was clear and calm. “I just spoke with Dr. G she wants to get me in for an endoscopy on Monday. I will need to get a negative COVID-19 test prior to the procedure but this is good. She thinks it’s an ulcer that is bleeding. She doesn’t want me to take any iron pills until after the procedure, it will hinder what she sees on Monday.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was still holding. My shoulders and stomach relaxed though my mind was distracted, Okay, we are getting some answers. What iron-rich foods do I have at home? Maybe I need to get to the grocery store.

“Julie, are you there?” Jeff’s voice concerned with the silence.

“Yes, sorry. I’m here. I’m glad she can get you in soon.”

“She would love to get me in sooner but because I need the COVID-19 test, she can’t.” his annoyance was hard to hide even over the phone.

Jeff sounded better before we hung up and I reminded him to drive safe. I felt better knowing more tests were being scheduled.

As we all sat down for dinner that night I prayed he would eat since he got some answers but that was wishful thinking. He took one bite, maybe two then set his fork down. My heart sank.

Is this really an ulcer? Will an ulcer cause someone to not eat, to lose interest in playing with their children, to have a hard time getting off the couch and getting to work in the morning? He tells me he doesn’t feel good and just wants to sleep.

Something was going on and I wasn’t convinced this was a bleeding ulcer. I kept it to myself and worked hard to keep my mind from going to dark places. Monday seemed so far away. I was becoming impatient. Julie, it’s just five days away. It’s right around the corner.

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Thank you for reading and being here.

Take good care,

Julie