The Playlist

working chapter for next book

Snapshot of the playlist

My friend Carrie-Anne was a rock star at texting me songs to keep me going during Jeff’s chemotherapy treatments. Bob Marley’s quote, “One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain,” came to mind as I turned up the volume to the latest song Carrie-Anne had sent. 

I don’t know how she managed to know the exact song I needed but she did. I saved each one to return to when I wanted to change my focus, find joy, or soften my pain.

I sang my heart out— some days with tears in my eyes, some days with laughter. When the pain, sadness, or overwhelm consumed me the playlist gave me strength, peace, and hope. It lifted me.

The songs she sent, some of which were from our days together in college, brought back happy memories. My mind was back at Bloomsburg University— running alongside her or hanging out in the library studying. (we cherished the library…don’t ask me why.)   

Music was a way for me to find joy in this terrible season. I was grateful for Carrie-Anne to remind me each day. Even though she was miles away she was with me in the backseat when I dropped Jeff off at his treatments. She was in the passenger seat when I went to pick him up and she was in the kitchen with me dancing when I didn’t know what else to do. What an incredible gift. What an amazing friend.   

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A working poem to begin this chapter…

My heart sick 
stomach in knots
I drive alone 
a song comes on.

How did she know 
What song to send
To pull me out
of the darkness 
to clear my head. 

How did she know 
the music to 
shift my mood. 
To bring my chin up and 
change my view. 

I’m feeling angry
I’m feeling sad— 
I turn up the volume 
and don’t feel 
as bad. My fingers 
tap the wheel, 
my voice 
bounces along, 
refuse to think about  
all that is wrong.  

The exact melody 
to soften my pain 
I find myself singing, 
humming—
we’re going to be 
okay.

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