You are a gift
For those folks just joining us, every Wednesday I share a piece I’m working on for my next book—A Real Ballbuster: Untangling Testicular Cancer Together
Today’s piece comes from the working chapter title: Power of Community
Lean into heroes who listen, don't try to fix They're the bow on top
When we found out Jeff’s diagnosis and treatment plan I hesitated to tell my friends and family. Do I want them to know what we are going through? Is it too much to share? I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me or treat me differently. Of course, I couldn’t control how they reacted to the news but I could decide if I wanted to tell them or not.
Fear showed up.
I didn’t want to call each person individually and tell them the news over and over. Would a group text be okay? Would that be the right way to handle this situation?
Guilt showed up.
This game of mental ping-pong was exhausting.
What if they want to help? I don’t need help. I can handle this. I’m not the one who is sick.
Julie, this will be good practice for you. A kind thought slipped in. I was surprised and grateful. I would like to practice asking for help. I would like to break this pattern of keeping troubles only to myself.
What if I asked my close friends? What if I told them I have no idea what I need but this is what we are facing?
How would they respond? I wanted to find out.
I sent a text to my siblings and several of my close friends to share the news. I apologized up front for not calling each one individually yet I was hopeful they understood. I was hopeful they would want to know.
It wasn’t long before messages were popping up on my phone. I was nervous to read their responses. What a shock this must be to receive via text…I should’ve called each friend and each sibling instead. There I go again with the “shoulds.”
Thankfully the messages were filled with kindness, love, and understanding for the text. I was relieved. They would be our support near and far even though I didn’t know yet what that would look like. I had no idea what support I needed.
I shared this piece with a friend and she responded with this beautiful question…
Where do we get the notion that doing it all ourselves is better than allowing our community to help?
I wonder the same.
Your friend's question is a good one. I also wonder where I got the notion to do everything myself - it's a heavy burden to take along in life.
Julie, Your words today serve as a strong reminder that “The User Manual For Life” which we receive at birth sometimes has missing pages. Entire chapters? How, if ever, do we find them and weave them into our lives?
I salute you for having the courage and grace to share some of your Shenpa episodes from living life. For which, as today, you share your process for resolution. I’ll call that: Realizing you’re stuck. Deciding what needs done to become unstuck. Then living in the unstuck way that works for you.
Thinking back to the User Manual missing some pages, today’s example describes how we can write the pages to add to our manuals. Not surprisingly, community can provide encouragement for our growing. Brava!