Oh gosh, Julie - what a terrific thing you've said here: "I’m trying to see this as a gift from this terrible season. Isn’t this how we’re meant to communicate with one another? Turn our face towards theirs, make eye contact, move closer, slow down…I think so."
My Jim has tinnitus, too, and I've learned (it took me way too long) to stand directly in front of him (I walk slowly, too, no need to rush) when I speak and keep my tone mid-range and speak slowly. I can't imagine what it's like, it's constant for him, and it interferes with his sleep. I'm learning (slowly) to be more patient and compassionate, and like you do with Jeff, focus on him and not me. When I read this post, I thought, "Wow, Julie deals with this too!" ❤️
He does not wear hearing aids YET. Each year he promises to get one but puts it off. I think it is a matter of pride perhaps. I'm still working on him with that.
Oh yes, It was hard for Jeff to reconcile this. It certainly is earlier in his life then he wanted. Thank you Tracy. And I will add...they are not cheap.
My husband lost all his hearing to a disease about thirty years ago, so I appreciate what you are feeling and dealing with. I have had the same thoughts when he does not hear me say something. I have learned to ask him if he hears me before getting annoyed. It takes time to adjust to new ways. Be patient and over time, it will become normal practice. XO Tracy
Hi Tracy, Thank you so much for sharing your experience and the encouragement. It means so much. I will keep practicing. I hope your week is going well. Have fun on the Paige's butterfly run.
What a wonderful teaching lesson, Julie. I saw and felt the lesson like this: Wish as we might we aren’t always able to transform a problem being experienced by a member of our community. We can, however, change ourselves for the good of both.
I’m so happy to hear how you offer a listening space for Jeff that doesn’t demand so much of his energy. You write, “I’m working hard to be patient, kind, and understanding…” A condition that may not improve over time can feel daunting, and I easily see you focusing on “right now,” being in the moment. I also DON’T see you in exasperation saying, “I’m too busy to work on communicating with my husband!”
As always, Julie, you provided a valuable lesson today mostly in the form of “I” statements. Not finger pointing or “poor me” whining. Living the talk. Thanks for sharing this valuable lesson.
Good morning Gary, Thank you so much for writing this at the end. I'm so happy to know it doesn't come off as "poor me" as that is the last thing I want or complaining. Thank you. It's definitely an adjustment for sure but I'll keep practicing until it becomes a habit. :) I think a better habit as well. Enjoy your walk today with Izzie.
When I am in a room with 14 three year olds, the volume is up there. It's a joyful noise! But it does cause me to get close and really focus on a child in order to hear. I bet being close and really looking at the child helps them to feel noticed.
It seems to me that empathy is necessary for love to have a fighting chance to become love. And deep understanding is necessary for empathy to become empathy. Ahhh, so much easier to take a run in nature than to sit across from a spouse and talk from the heart but so necessary. And just think how much more joy those runs will become when one does what is necessary… Courage to be vulnerable is so necessary…Ahh relationship is so difficult but so necessary….
"Courage to be vulnerable is so necessary…Ahh relationship is so difficult but so necessary…." So much truth to this Clark. Thank you for your wise words and being here with us.
These are beautiful adjustments that you’ve made in your listening Julie! As someone who has tinnitus in one ear I can relate to this struggle. Thank you for posting this!
Thank you so much Kym for reading and being here. I had no idea you struggled with tinnitus as well. It's not easy at all from what Jeff shares with me. Sending you a hug today.
Oh gosh, Julie - what a terrific thing you've said here: "I’m trying to see this as a gift from this terrible season. Isn’t this how we’re meant to communicate with one another? Turn our face towards theirs, make eye contact, move closer, slow down…I think so."
Awesome words. You're awesome, both of you. xxxx
You're so kind Rebecca! I'm noticing our relationship is better with this simple accommodation. :)
My Jim has tinnitus, too, and I've learned (it took me way too long) to stand directly in front of him (I walk slowly, too, no need to rush) when I speak and keep my tone mid-range and speak slowly. I can't imagine what it's like, it's constant for him, and it interferes with his sleep. I'm learning (slowly) to be more patient and compassionate, and like you do with Jeff, focus on him and not me. When I read this post, I thought, "Wow, Julie deals with this too!" ❤️
Thank you so much Mary for sharing. I'm glad I'm not alone.
Welcome, and me, too.
I am here to talk anytime. XO
Thank you so much Tracy. I appreciate you.
He does not wear hearing aids YET. Each year he promises to get one but puts it off. I think it is a matter of pride perhaps. I'm still working on him with that.
Oh yes, It was hard for Jeff to reconcile this. It certainly is earlier in his life then he wanted. Thank you Tracy. And I will add...they are not cheap.
My husband lost all his hearing to a disease about thirty years ago, so I appreciate what you are feeling and dealing with. I have had the same thoughts when he does not hear me say something. I have learned to ask him if he hears me before getting annoyed. It takes time to adjust to new ways. Be patient and over time, it will become normal practice. XO Tracy
I missed putting he lost all his hearing in ONE ear, not both.
gotcha! Thanks Tracy. Does he also wear hearing aids in both ears? (curious and if you don't mind sharing)
Hi Tracy, Thank you so much for sharing your experience and the encouragement. It means so much. I will keep practicing. I hope your week is going well. Have fun on the Paige's butterfly run.
What a wonderful teaching lesson, Julie. I saw and felt the lesson like this: Wish as we might we aren’t always able to transform a problem being experienced by a member of our community. We can, however, change ourselves for the good of both.
I’m so happy to hear how you offer a listening space for Jeff that doesn’t demand so much of his energy. You write, “I’m working hard to be patient, kind, and understanding…” A condition that may not improve over time can feel daunting, and I easily see you focusing on “right now,” being in the moment. I also DON’T see you in exasperation saying, “I’m too busy to work on communicating with my husband!”
As always, Julie, you provided a valuable lesson today mostly in the form of “I” statements. Not finger pointing or “poor me” whining. Living the talk. Thanks for sharing this valuable lesson.
Good morning Gary, Thank you so much for writing this at the end. I'm so happy to know it doesn't come off as "poor me" as that is the last thing I want or complaining. Thank you. It's definitely an adjustment for sure but I'll keep practicing until it becomes a habit. :) I think a better habit as well. Enjoy your walk today with Izzie.
I’ve worn hearing aids for about 13 years. Izzie ate my first pair! Even there patience plays a part. The most expensive treat she’s ever chomped.
Oh my goodness! Gary I can't even imagine what you were thinking and feeling. Maybe now you can laugh about it? What a story!
When I am in a room with 14 three year olds, the volume is up there. It's a joyful noise! But it does cause me to get close and really focus on a child in order to hear. I bet being close and really looking at the child helps them to feel noticed.
Hi Claudette, you're such an amazing teacher and friend! I bet those children feel seen and heard each day. What a joy. Thank you for sharing.
Old habits die slow
But love can accelerate
What is required…
It seems to me that empathy is necessary for love to have a fighting chance to become love. And deep understanding is necessary for empathy to become empathy. Ahhh, so much easier to take a run in nature than to sit across from a spouse and talk from the heart but so necessary. And just think how much more joy those runs will become when one does what is necessary… Courage to be vulnerable is so necessary…Ahh relationship is so difficult but so necessary….
"Courage to be vulnerable is so necessary…Ahh relationship is so difficult but so necessary…." So much truth to this Clark. Thank you for your wise words and being here with us.
These are beautiful adjustments that you’ve made in your listening Julie! As someone who has tinnitus in one ear I can relate to this struggle. Thank you for posting this!
Thank you so much Kym for reading and being here. I had no idea you struggled with tinnitus as well. It's not easy at all from what Jeff shares with me. Sending you a hug today.